Thursday, August 21, 2014

Do Any Of You Other Moms Ever Feel Like This???

(Let me take a picture of myself in my natural habitat. The kitchen. Surely I'll eat, sleep, and die here at the rate I'm going... Boys are hungry!)

Since pushing out an 8.2 pound Radcliff two years ago (he ripped me apart in ways that will never be the same again, TMI!?), it's been hard for me to leave his and Wren's side, like ever, to take breaks for myself. I feel like every minute I have with my little family of three is precious time and I just hate missing out on anything! Thankfully, Wren really urges me often, to go and have some fun with girlfriends, sisters, or just on my own, while him and Rad have their man time. Geez I married a good one. He knows way more about me than I know about myself and when it's time for me to step back and have a break. Because when he took Radcliff to mutual last night with him, I headed down to City Creek to do a little shopping, and it was just what the doctor ordered.

My friend ended up meeting me there and we shopped and talked and talked talked, and went and got smoothies after (her the healthy green kind, and large and in charge me, a good old root beer freeze! Goll that was good...) and talked some more. Sometimes all you need is a little girl R&R. Can I get an amen?! Someone who is dramatic about all the same things you are. Someone who can talk about the million different shades of color you've been debating adding to your hair, for a half and hour, and not get sick of it. And then a million other little things even the most tender of men would hate subjecting their ears to.

As I drove home, I blasted a CD I burned (from Napster of course) when I was 15 years old. First of all, can I just say my fifteen year old self had impeccable, and I mean, impeccable, taste in music... Just to name a few, David Gray, The Cranberries, Michael Jackson. My 15 year old self made my 28 year old self proud last night. And to think Wren almost threw all my CDs away when we moved. I ought to slap him for even having the thought! But when David Gray's, This Years Love came on, I was immediately taken back to when I first heard the song on Dawson's Creek like a hundred years ago, when Pacey and Joey were swinging on a hammock at night, and it was playing in the background. There's been a love affair with me and that song ever since. Listening to it brought me back to so many fun times of being young and having little responsibility. Staying out till the middle of the night, hanging out with friends, dancing, doing all the things I loved and that made me feel like me!    

Being a mom is the most amazing thing I could have ever asked for. It's also hard. Really hard sometimes. Especially when you're pregnant and don't have much energy to do everything your little toddler wants you to be able to do. Mother's guilt I tell you! And as much as I have loved just throwing myself into this role, sometimes it feels like I've lost a little bit of myself too. After all, everything I did changed, from the minute we had him. So much responsibility landed on our shoulders in a matter of seconds (okay twenty hours of intense labor), but nothing can prepare you for that!

So here's to late nights out, just every once in awhile. Where you can blast your favorite songs, roll the windows down, and remember to throw in a little fun with all that responsibility that's laid out on your big girl plate! It did me good! But then the second I arrived home, I promptly ran into Radcliff's room because I could hear him talking to his 'friends' (stuffed animals) in his crib, which meant he wasn't asleep yet (score!). I got him out, set him on my lap, and asked him all about his night with Daddy while Wren and I listened. As we sat in his dark room, listening to him recount his whole night, I kissed his cheeks a million times and thought to myself, "But nothing compares to this."

Here's that David Gray song too, if you're interested. You should be.