Shirt: TJ Max (worn it everyday for a week)
Scarf: Charlotte Russe
Shoes: Steve Madden
Okay first item of business. Can you get over my baby's fat arms? CAN YOU GET OVER THAT PROFILE? His little upturned nose, little fat roll on the back of his neck, and little dimple chin might possibly kill me. I have this urge to bite every inch of his body. Is that normal? I just can't get over him!
Anyway, enough baby talk. Let's get down to the nitty gritty shall we? Alright so Wren talked me into selling both of his mountain bikes a couple weeks back so he could buy the ultimate bike. I looked at him like he was crazy but was like, whatever. He ended up finding his new bike online and well... last week he was like a baby man child waiting for Christmas morning. He checked his email every hour to see if his bike had shipped. Well Friday morning I get a text and a phone call from him saying his bike was out for delivery and that I couldn't go anywhere and that I better answer the door. Yes your highness said I. Well at about 8:30am as baby and I are dead asleep, I hear a knock at the door. It was one of those moments of panic where I am looking disastrously gross, and wearing no clothes, and just trying to scramble to find anything to put on before the delivery man drives away. I knew I had to get to the door or Wren would literally have a nervous break down. Well as I was frantically trying to find something to put on I realized I was running out of time. I did the one logical thing that I could think of... wrap myself in a little furry throw blanket. I reach the door and frantically throw it open as I'm heavily breathing. I think I literally was seeing stars. I look up and to my shock and complete and utter horror, it's the Fed Ex guy that I used to talk to almost every single day at my old job and he's my age, and cute, and not that it matters that he's cute because I'm married but somehow makes it that much worse, and oh my gosh my face turns bright red. I realize what is happening. I am in a BLANKET and looking hideous, and I have no idea what my hair looks like, and I can smell my breathe and did I say I was wrapped in a BLANKET!? What do I even do? The first words out of my mouth were, "I am honestly mortified." He is trying not to look down to avoid the awkwardness of the situation. He tries to shoot the breeze, asking me how I've been. I'm sure he's thinking, "Wow, you've really gone downhill." Well he finally says, "Where do you want the bike?" I say, "Just inside here." As he goes out to get the bike, I book it to the kitchen at the speed of light to drink some water. I know he's going to need me to sign his little pad and my breath is something awful. I drink and swoosh as fast as I can, and I swear at the speed of light he is back. He stands right next to me waiting for his little electronic signature thing to pull up and it's freezing or something and taking what feels like years. He's asking me questions to fill the space and I am literally talking out of the side of my mouth in one word answers so he can't smell my breath. He says, "Wow, I'm sorry, if it wasn't already awkward, I'm making it worse huh?" FINALLY he gets it to work, I sign it, say bye, and honestly feel like I'm going to faint from embarrassment. I go back up and lay in bed assessing what just happened. Finally I muster up the strength to find my phone and I text Wren, "I'm going to kill you."
Anything like this ever happened to you?
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