Tuesday, September 27, 2011

PMSing & Dreaming Of 10 Days From Now....

I typed this post yesterday and wow, the saying, "Everything will be better in the morning", REALLY has illustrated itself here.  Because today I am happy as a camper. (Which really, what does that saying even mean?  Camping can be hard...)
Anyway, ladies and gentlemen...
The post of death that is WAY over exaggerated, debatable to even be shared (but I think you'll find some humor in it), and that was DEAD SERIOUS yesterday....
I mead DEAD:

Am I allowed to say this on my blog?.... PMS, you suck my will to live.  Period.  
  (No pun intended... and yes, I have the right to remain h.i.l.a.r.i.o.u.s)
You are a constant ball of tightness in my throat.
EVERYTHING brings tears to my eyes.
Everyone makes me want to kill them.
Why do you do this to me I ask, WHY?
You make me feel like I am literally going insane.  
Just commit me to the looney bin already so I don't stab someone in the hand :)
And guess who's the bull's eye during this time of melodramatic rage?

Wren called me today. Sweet Wren and said in his nicest voice ever (because he knows the delicate situation at hand) "Sav, Ryan (our brother-in-law) wants me to go to Bryan Head this weekend to camp and mountain bike.  Would that be alright?"
Well let me tell you what, I almost started to go into hysterics.  I told you, I'm crazy this time of the month.
"What?!" I thought to myself, "No you can't go!  Don't leave me, I will die without you. (I know...drama, drama, drama like you've never seen it before) Bryan Head is way too far away, THREE WHOLE HOURS!  What if something happens?  Something like this.  Or worse, what if you fly over your handle bars and go paralyzed and you need help, and I couldn't get to you in time, or you couldn't make it to a hospital in time.  I will be worried all weekend.  Plus, I hate the thought of not having you by my side at night.  Not having you to laugh at all weekend.  You just make everything better.  I'm the biggest baby of them all because to be away from your for two nights just might do me in.  And basically? Because my happiness is WAY more important than yours.  So there."
But rather than saying all this, because if I did I would be balling,  I said, "Okay", in the tone that meant it clearly wasn't okay, with a cracking voice from trying not to cry.
I hate that I did this.  I hate that I DO this.
No, you know what?!  I HATE that my hormones hold my nice side hostage.  It's like they held a gun to my head and said, "You better make Wren miserable today."  
And that's exactly what I did......

He knows me well.  He sent me the link to all of the trails they would be on, showing me they would be fairly simple.  
Here are the text messages that followed.
Wren: Hey Sammy, thanks for looking and being open.  I promise I will be extra careful.  I have never had a bad crash.  We know I had a freak accident, but I am always careful.  Those trails look fun and not scary.  Let me know what you think.  I just want you happy, but it would make me feel a lot better if you could trust me and show some faith in me.  I completely trusted you to travel to Seattle alone which is scary, but I know you are smart and that you would be careful. (Someone kill me now, I don't deserve him to be nice to me.  Especially not THIS nice)
Me:  I said it was fine for you to go. (See how short and mean I'm being.  I'm sad to admit, that was purposeful)
Wren: Are you getting close to your period? (Ya, sue me) I don't mean that in a mean way either.  Do you maybe think that is why it sounds bad to you? (Ha ha, ya totally, but I can't admit that)
Me:  I don't know, I just hate you being that far away and this week is going to suck big time without you. (See how selfish and unreasonable I am?  And notice I said week.  Yes, somehow a weekend trip is going to ruin my entire week.  I told you, drama!)
Wren:  Why is it going to suck?  Please try and keep a happy attitude.  It stresses me out so much when you feel like this.  I really don't know what to do.  Last thing I want is for you to be upset.  This could be the best week of your life if you wanted. (Kill me twice. Why can't I have THAT attitude?)
Me:  Not when I'm sitting here by myself all day.  It's the worst.  But it's fine for you to go.  Right now I just can't pretend to be excited when I don't want you that far away. (Wow, that last line sounded like it could be off of a movie it was so tragic)
Wren:  I don't know what to say so you will feel better about it.  Can I do anything to make you feel better about it? (Ya, throw me off a cliff with some Midol)
Me:  I don't want you to have to feel nervous to ask me.  I don't know why I'm like this, I just hate when you're gone.  But I already said it's fine to go! (I'm finally starting to ease out of it...)
Wren:  Thanks!  But I feel terrible doing that to you.  I love you so much I hate to see you upset ever...:(
(Kill me a third time, I feel so guilty)
Me: It's okay.  You'll have fun!  I'll get over it.
Wren:  Ha ha, I promise zero injuries! (Cross your fingers this is true)
Me: Ok :)
Wren: I will be careful and walk anything sketchy. (Why is he so nice again?)
Me:  Okay, cool thanks!
Wren:  Thank you.  Let's get that couch! (He knows what will make me smile.  But I don't deserve anything fun)
Me:  Ha ha k :)
Wren:  The Cedar hospital is also an Intermountain and in the top 100 in the nation :)  Ha ha.
Me:  Ha ha, okay!
(Oh and PS, I cried after I received each one of his messages I felt so bad. Wow.)

Okay reading through this poor guy's walking on pins and needles.  
I hate me.

Wren, all I can say to you is:
Stop being so nice to me, I don't deserve you.  At all.
And run as far away from me as you can tonight.  The meanness could return like a thief in the night.

The only light at the end of the tunnel for me right now is knowing that we can go get one of these for the next four days together before he goes....
(Tear....because he'll be gone for so long)
Yes it's obsession.
Red Mango's pumpkin (seasonal, rush in to try, it's heaven in a cup) and coconut yogurt with graham cracker and cheesecake bites.
I promise, it's the next best thing to tampons.
Okay I had to keep the "flo" of the post going.
Wow, I'm on fire!
Everyone watch out.... I'm being serious.
And Wren,
I really am excited for you to go.  You will have loads of fun, you won't get hurt, and the best part of all?  You'll get to get the $*#* out of dodge and get the $*#* away from psychotic me for the weekend.
It'll do you good.  
And I'll be fine.  Hopefully. 

Tell me I'm not the only one this happens to.... PLEASE?